Joe II breaks his collar bone

We made our first trip to the emergency room. Shortly before midnight on Tuesday, Joe II awoke from a nightmare and fell out of his bed, a distance of about 24 inches. With most falls, scrapes, bonks over the head and other mishaps, he cries two minutes, tops. After falling out of the bed he cried for a half hour, favoring his right shoulder and repeatedly saying it was “Very very ouchy.”

Around 12:30 we left for the emergency room, suspecting his shoulder was fractured or completely broken. X-Rays were taken. The doctor initially said the X-rays didn’t show anything obviously wrong. After we explained where Joe II said it hurt, and insisted there was indeed a problem, the Doc brought out the X-Rays and agreed there was a fracture. We thought it was pretty darn obvious from looking at the picture, and we can count our encounters with X-Rays on one hand.

Joe II was given an arm sling and set home with Motrin and a specialist referral.

The next day, the specialist did not have to be told where the fracture was on the X-Rays and he said that a sling was useless. Joe was fitted to a figure 8 brace which he has to wear for a month.

So far, Joe II doesn’t seem to be very bothered. It’s been a week now and he’s running around like normal, scaring his mother to death and trying to break every other bone in his body.

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Pediatricians and Real Doctors

I was recently in the market for a new pediatrician. We moved and I didn’t really like the one we had before anyhow. I ran into these characters along the way:

Dr. Horror Stories

Dr. Surfer Dude

and

Dr. Old School


Being suspicious of many recommendations of the American Association of Pedatrics, I thought up three questions to help me determine if a doctor was going to help me or guilt trip me for going against the status quo.

1. When should I wean?
2. How do you feel about alternative vaccine schedules or skipping some vaccines all together?
3. If my kid cuts his face wide open, what doctor in this practice would do the best job sewing him up his pretty little mug?

Dr. Horror Stories’ trademark accessories

Dr. Horror Stories:

The first doctor I interviewed had tortoise shell glasses, a fountain pen and an endless supply of dreadful anecdotes for every question I had. None of these stories had a happy ending and the moral seemed to be: “If the parents had just…*insert trendy new medical recommendation here* everything would have been fine”. His answers to the questions were:

  • You should give solids at four months and wean completely by 12 months. Here’s a schedule.
  • Give your child a little stick now and avoid a horribly mangling and or fatal disease later. No, there hasn’t been a case of polio in years, why do you ask?
  • In this scenario, has your son been hurt during office hours or during the evening or weekend?

Add a ponytail and you’ve got Dr. Surfer Dude

Dr. Surfer Dude:

The next was Dr. Surfer Dude. Oh, he was adorable. Ponytail, hemp necklace, rumpled shirt. Problem was, he was what my mentor from college called a CBW: Charming, But Worthless. His answers:

  • AAP recommends weaning by 12 months. Any longer would be kind of weird, don’t you think?
  • You should get your kid vaccinated because everybody is supposed to get vaccinated. Like, it’s our social duty.
  • Um, Dr. Old School has been here the longest so he’s got the most experience I guess.

Your boobs aren’t up to the task, Missy!

Last up: Dr. Old School.  I never got the chance to ask my questions. I took a seat opposite him at his huge, official looking desk and listened to a twenty minute lecture on how I needed to start my 9 month old son on solids yesterday because he would soon hit a growth spurt and I wouldn’t be able to produce enough breastmilk to adequately feed him. Dr. Old School also gave me a handout. Apparently he missed the fact that my son was the size of a preschooler and clearly doing just fine on what mommy’s boobies where supplying.

The Normal Doctor:

I finally did met a normal pediatrician. He suggested weaning gradually as my son showed a natural interest in other foods, and alternative vaccinations were fine. After some thought, he also replied:  “The ER is the best place for emergencies. They’ve got the most experience.”

I think I’m going to skip the pediatrician all together and start sending cookies to the ER. Apparently, that’s where they keep the real doctors.